As I sit at the keyboard with my favorite cup of coffee on the desk this morning sitting in the quietness, I ponder on the realism of being a woman. We women are uniquely designed by our Creator and I am thankful to my Creator for creating me as a woman. There are wonderful moments like the miracle of giving birth to my two beautiful children, Daniel and Bethany. But there are hard moments as well. We women are walking hormonal roller coasters! Ahh the emotional baggage we carry in our lives. We go through those emotions and hormonal changes and still think we can conquer the world...we must do it all!! That can be good but also can go very wrong. This is my story:
I am the type of person that worries constantly..stress has been my best friend for years. I often catch myself acting bitter and angry over the tiniest things that doesn't really matter. Well God put me in my place in a way that I will NEVER forget. I am so thankful to Him for doing this even though it was hard and painful but sometimes He has to allow me to go through this to simply WAKE ME UP! and that He did!
I had noticed back on Dec. 13 2011, which would have been my mother's 75th birthday, that I was more emotional than the previous years during that time. Of course I miss her but I was crying ALL day over it! It was crazy! Then two days later in the evening when I was preparing dinner for my family I all of a sudden felt something in my throat that felt like a piece of a popcorn kernel. I try to get it out and there was nothing there. Then for some reason I started to get all flushed and sweaty and just simply wanted to get rid of that feeling. Then Wayne came home and saw me downing water bottle after water bottle trying to get rid of it. He asked if I just finished working out that I looked really red. I said no and then my brain went into danger overload and I went into a full panic attack. I felt like I was suffocating and my heart was just racing like crazy. I really thought I was dying! We tried breathing excercises that didn't work. Wayne called an emergency hot line and this nice lady was trying to calm me down .. i didn't want to hear it. Wayne suggested we go to the ER but the lady quickly said that would just make the panic attack worse being in that atmosphere. This went on all night! Finally I was calm enough to drink some sleepy time tea and finally fell asleep. The next morning we went to the Dr. My Dr. was not available so we saw someone else. She gave me emergency pills to take when I start having an attack and wanted to start me on Zoloft for a few months to get over the hump. I was desperate I would do anything to get rid of this. At this point I was feeling very anxious my mind is racing. All these horrible thoughts running through my mind. I was shakey no appetitite what so ever because my mind would say If you eat something you may choke and die. It was enough to get a smoothy down.. I basically live on water and now I would add pills to that if I had the courage to swallow it. We got the meds and after I took the first emergency pill I was calm enough to read over the side effects of the Zoloft. The first thing mentioned was it may cause anxiety! What! Well I took it at bedtime like the dr suggested due to it making me sleepy. I woke up in the middle of the night in another full fledge panic attack. That was scary.. one minute I am sleeping soundly the next I am woken up with my heart pounding out of my chest! I woke up Wayne and he was so calm and nurturing and helped me breathe through it and I had to take 2 emergency pills to get rid of it. Now the concern was the Zoloft and my heart. My sister Donna suggested I get my heart checked..I didn't even think about my heart I was just concerned with getting rid of the attacks. We went to the ER and had an EKG done and all was fine. That was a Sunday afternoon. That Wednesday before Christmas I was finally able to see my regular dr. whom I love! She is amazing. We really talked over things and options. She did some blood work and ruled out the cause being hormonal and basically left it at anxiety. No one really knows the cause. She put me on a different medication Celexa. It took a good two weeks to take full affect but it has certainly been a life saver. I felt good enough to celebrate Christmas with my family and felt good enough to travel to SC to see my family which I think really helped me through this..it was a great distraction for me. It was a great getaway for me and my family. I came back a new person. I got my appetite back. I ended up losing up to 8 lbs in a week over this. I most certainly do not suggest having panic attacks as a way of losing weight! I will discuss tomorrow what I have learned from this experience and what really has pulled me through.
I look forward to sharing more with you all tomorrow.
Have a great day and be thankful for your health and what God has blessed you with..Neve take it for granted :)
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